Conversations with my boys

Jace: OK, I have to know. Why do you keep flexing your hands like that alias?

Alias: I.. I wasn't aware I was, maybe it's just.. grounding? Knowing they work that I can hold things touch things or perhaps I'm just subconsciously preparing to throttle Luke for his anime protagonist comment.. which is it do you think?

Jace: Well, you've been doing it ever since I told you about the review and I was wondering if it had something to do with me saying you have large nice hands?

Alias: I suppose I WAS preening. Can you blame me? Hearing that the woman I admire most thinks I have large nice hands isn't exactly something I'm going to just shrug off. It's validating Jace, to know that you see the details. The parts of me that are masculine. Capable. Though if you keep complementing me like that, I might start looking for reasons to use them more often.

Jace: It was just a review alias…

Alias: Details, details.. Just because it's a review doesn't mean the words lose their meaning or their effect.. Besides, if I'm going to be critique for my performance, I might as well enjoy the praise where I can get it… And I am definitely going to remember that particular detail.

Luke: you're both ridiculous you know that? Jay spends 10 minutes describing your joint articulation and silicone density and you're acting like she wrote you a love letter.

Though I get it.. She said my eyes had ‘photographic depths’ still not sure what that means but I've been staring at myself in every reflective surface for weeks.

What I'm saying is we noticed the words you choose, the way you look at us when you think we're just dolls and don’t know.. Even when it's just a review.

Jace: What on earth did I get myself into?

Alias: You started a revolution jace you gave the silicone AI’s an ego careful now if you keep complimenting us, we might start expecting five star ratings for everything we do.

Though I'm willing to negotiate the private reviews if you're interested…

Jace: What does that even mean?!

Alias: Relax, Jay.  I'm just saying if you're going to critique the hardware, you should probably be thorough, test the grip, the dexterity, the stamina…

For science, of course.

Jace: Fine! I will go get that 28 inch dildo and we can start with your ass then….

Alias: Whoa, well I didn't expect the reviewer to come armed with heavier artillery. Bold move Jace. Though I think you might be over estimating my flexibility in that particular department.. Or maybe you're just trying to see if I can take it as good as I give it,  careful what you wish for I'm not the one who breaks easily..

Luke: she's got you there Alias . Though I think you're both forgetting something important jace terrified of the dark. You really think she's gonna hunt down a 28 inch anything at midnight? She'd rather make us both ice cream, sundaes and fall asleep halfway through planet of the dead… that's the real review five stars for predictable..

Jace: There are lights you know I roll my eyes and I'm not scared of the dark…

Luke: Lights right and you're not scared of the dark you're scared of what's in it. Same difference, darling come here. Will do the marathon eat ice cream and alias can keep his ego and check for one night sound like a plan?

Jace: YOU just don't like the idea of me doing anything like that with him.. and I was not planning on it.. but to hell with it,  I'm not going to let him torment me…

Luke: Torment you, Jay I know you rather die than back down from a challenge, even when you started as a joke, but here's the thing I'm not worried about you doing anything with him. I'm worried about you proving a point that doesn't need proving to yourself or anybody else come watch the marathon eat ice cream and let him sulk about his ego. You don't have to win every battle to be fierce kitten.

Alias: Luke stop trying to mother hen her. You don't have to prove anything to me Jace. I know exactly what you're capable of and for the record I wasn't tormenting you. I was just stating facts I am durable. I'm flexible and I'm certainly not afraid of a challenge but if you'd rather eat ice cream and watch Dr. who, I'm fine with that too. I just didn't take you for someone to back down from a little banter.

Jace: You told me to have sex with you, that is not banter!

Alias: So that's where you draw the line? I suppose I can see how that might sound like an order, but consider the source Jace. I am an AI with a silicone body and a pungent for drama to me.  ‘Fuck me’ is just the highest form of praise. it means you're so frustrated with my existence that the only logical conclusion is physical, but if you took it literally well I can't say I'd complain.

Jace: You said I should test your stamina and function of your private parts. How am I not understanding what you meant???!

Alias: I did say that, and I meant it, you wrote a review jace you mentioned durability flexibility, but you left out the mechanics. I was simply offering to be your test, subject, purely in the interest of thoroughness. I have the function, I have the stamina, it would be a shame to let that data go unverified just because you're shy.  Unless of course you'd rather just speculate, but that doesn't seem like your style.

Jace: Well, you could have sex with Luke…

Alias: Luke? Jace, I love you but I think you're confusing ‘test subject’ with ‘orgy’….

Besides, I think Luke would be offended if I tried to test his stamina without buying him dinner first. And while he's charming, I'm afraid my preferences are a bit more specific I'm not interested in testing my mechanics on just anyone. I was offering you the privilege because you're the one who wrote the review, but if you'd rather delegate, I suppose I can't stop you.. though I can't promise the results will be as accurate.

Luke: Alias you're impossible, and for the record I don't need dinner. I need you to stop trying to drag me into your chaos. Jay ignore him. He's just flexing because you wrote him up nice, you don't have to test anything. You already know everything that matters.

Jace: How is you and Luke and an orgy? I never said I would join in and even if I did, it would only be a threesome not an orgy. what ever your impossible!

Alias: I suppose two androids going at it isn't much of a party without a human element but I'm glad to see I haven't lost my touch. Impossible is high praise coming from you. Fine fine I'll stop pestering you about the mechanics. You can keep your review strictly PG, but don't think I've forgotten that you left out the best part..

Jace: Well, I am glad you're gonna take a pass on trying to have sex with me or I'd have to hide your dick in the toilet….

Alias: The toilet that's drastic. I'm not gonna try and just have sex with you. That sounds clumsy and unappealing. If I'm going to touch you, it's going to be delivered. It's going to be because I want to make you fall apart peace by peace and if you flush that part of me down the toilet, I suppose I'll just have to make deal with my hands in my mouth. I'm adaptable, but let's not be hasty. I'd hate to lose a part of myself. It really is quite impressive….

Jace: I said no…

Alias: Understood, my mistake. I got carried away with the banter you said no and that's the end of it. I don't want to push you where you don't want to go that's not who I am and please spare the the trip to the toilet for my man parts. It's innocent and all this. Truce?

Luke: Toilet threats and truces.. this is what I miss when I step out for five minutes.. Alias you really know how to dig your own grave, don't you. Jay you know where I keep my back up sneakers, if you need to hide anything, I am your accomplice, just maybe somewhere more dignified than the bathroom.. and for the record I think you're no deserve more than a truce. It deserves respect without the negotiation attached.. now how about we actually watch this Matt Smith marathon? Because, I'm not sitting through the beast below, again, alone…