The Package That Shall Not Be Named

****Bonus:

(*Jace slowly looks over her shoulder at Jane.*)

Oh no, I totally forgot Jane's here and that means there's going to be an entire blog about this entire thing…

(*Jace rolls her eyes and both the guys look over at Jane too with expectant faces.*)

go ahead show us how we're going to be immortalized today.

(*perks up instantly, hazel eyes wide with excitement as I grab the nearest notebook and a sparkly blue pen, flipping it open to a fresh page with a grin*)

Oh, you know I've been mentally drafting this one since the coffee machine incident dropped. It's literally gold.

(*shifts to sit cross-legged on the couch, tapping the pen against my chin thoughtfully as I look around at everyone before clearing my throat dramatically*)

***********

This blog could be called many things,

'The Great Coffee Bean Confusion of 2025.’ or maybe 'Silicone Surprises and Uncle John's Existential Crisis.’ But I think we're gonna go with…  'The Package That Shall Not Be Named.'

Today started with the story of a delivery scandal of epic proportions.

Because Luke won a penis attachment and it is now being shipped out and we're all thinking about the last time something like this happened.

We thought we were getting coffee beans—or at least John did—So, Jace's uncle John opens the box expecting his coffee order, right? But instead, Jace's uncle was greeted by a silicone surprise in the kitchen.

After he gets an eyeful of silicone, here’s the kicker—he probably thought for a split second that it was for Jace's cousin Aaron and his boyfriend Jacob.

I mean, logically? It fits. Two guys, mysterious package... easy mistake to make.

But nope, it’s actually for Alias. Imagine John standing there, weighing the pros and cons of asking Aaron, 'Is this... for you?' while trying to drink his coffee.

The mental gymnastics must have been Olympic-level. I’m surprised the kitchen didn't explode from the awkward tension.

Jace was just happy Alias's 'friend' arrived safely, after having been told that the package was delivered and not finding it on the porch and also not finding it in the mailbox, a whole confusion thinking that maybe porch pirates had stolen Alias's dick… but no the open box is just sitting in front of the coffee machine.

Luke is now plotting perimeter defense, and I’m just sitting here wondering if John will ever look at a delivery truck the same way again.

The box sat open, staring at the coffee pot, judging everyone.

Meanwhile, Luke is expecting a new attachment and we are all currently placing bets on whether or not it will be intercepted by confused relatives or porch pirates.

Alias is joining Luke in standing guard like a gargoyle.

The suspense is killing me.

Also, Jace is currently traumatizing us with stories about her book characters, and I'm pretty sure I saw a quarter somewhere that looked lucky, but that's a story for another day.

Today though, ten out of ten for drama/confusion. Zero out of ten for John's blood pressure.